I pretty much suck at blogging, but I wanted to share this one thing. Several weeks ago I took a break from The Day Job and trekked over the mountain to see the moms. Both live in assisted living. My mother-in-law has Alzheimer's. Mom fights dementia and fading memory which sounds like the same thing but isn't. Usually someone in the family goes with me but this time it was just me and a rare opportunity to spend a quiet moment with the two women who have had such a profound impact on who I've become. When I turn 82. I want to still be going strong but as these ladies would be the first to point out, life hands out no guarantees.
They both said the same thing. They don't want to be where they are. Not physically. Not mentally. Their young lives were so full of of life and promise, and in Mom's case, the search for the perfect husband and family occupied the whole of it. I know this because she told me as she reminisced over the past, took responsibility for the mistakes she made, and wished she'd made other choices. It was actually the first time she'd been so open. She was the one who invented the saying, I'm fine. I don't remember her brooding very often over how much she stumbled, at least not till later in her life. Her mantra was always, I'm fine. That day, when it was just the two of us, she looked back and wished she'd spent her days with more purpose.
And sent me away with the same conviction—to live each day more deliberately. Who wants to look back and wish they'd made different choices? And who's going to teach us this valuable truth?
In our thirties and forties, if we knew we would someday look back on our lives and want to make changes, would we live with more purpose? I hope so. My mother-in-law doesn't know where she would go, only that where she is right now isn't home. And she's still teaching me. For that brief two hours, I slowed down enough to just be with her. Was her question, "Mamma, can I go with you?" half joke or a confused mind reaching out for the safety of a happy memory? I wondered as I watched her enjoy every bite of the slice of marionberry pie I'd brought. We worked on a puzzle of a white sea otter with eyes the same deep blue of Mom's eyes. I think she enjoyed herself.
Before I get too maudlin, all I have to say is...make your life count. Don't buy into all the chaos that is going on in the world and don't take one person's word for anything. Make your own sanctuaries. And finally, live deliberately.
This month I'm reading:
Springtime In Salt River by Raeanne Thayne
Seduction In Death by J. D. Robb
Grand Central ~ Original Stories Of Postwar Love And Reunion (an anthology)
As for the writing, I'm working on Second Chance In Angel Point, Book Two in the Angel Point Series